hazy

So as I mentioned in an earlier post, when I started this little blog endeavor I worried that I would run out of things to write about despite having a brain whose wheels turn endlessly. And so, now I find myself not so much having nothing to write about but feeling less than inspired. Maybe it's the 100 degree heat, maybe it's because it's summer and my brain is...well, on vacation. I don't know, but for lack of a better word I'm feeling tapped out. Maybe it's the non-stop travel the husband, toddler and I have been embarking on these past few months...we literally have been living out of suitcases for as long as I can remember! I'm not complaining though...all of our travel has been for fun but I'm beginning to think all this back and forth has left me suffering from an undeniable writers block! The thoughts are there...but my little hands can't find enough time in the day to get those thoughts into paragraph form! And then there's this...maybe my lack of focus and inspiration is due to a decision I've been pondering now for a while...to work or not to work. I've had the luxury of being able to stay home with the toddler since she was an infant. I've enjoyed having that time with her and know that I will be forever grateful for the days we've spent coloring, dancing, going to the park and the pool, shopping, eating cookies, etc. but, even as the guilt is welling up as I type this, I've been thinking about getting out there...going back to work, earning a little money to support my couture codependency. I guess all this "weighing the options" has me bogged down. So as we near the end of July, I'm hoping things will slow down, become more clear. Why can't we foresee the future...if these decisions we make now are the right ones? But then we'd never make mistakes and what fun would that be? Or what about those Magic 8 Balls? Why can't they ever give an answer that is worth banking on? Over and over I've shaken them only to see rise up in the cloudy blue water..."reply hazy, try again". In general, I'm a very indecisive person. I can never decide, as the husband can attest, what to wear, what to buy, how to fix something, etc. I guess partially because I fear failing... but, if you never put yourself out there and try your hardest at whatever it is you're doing...knowing the possibility of failure is real, then what gives us the continuously sought after feeling of accomplishment? And so, I know that nothing in life is final but death...and 50% off items at Gus Mayer...meaning, I'll figure out what to do at some point but the answer will probably always be "hazy". There's no magic here...and the inspiration will always wax and wane I suppose.

image credit: weheartit.com